Jeckel & Hyde

Oh. My. Goodness.
How can my child be such an angel sometimes and then completely switch to being a little monster?
I'm talking about The Two Year Old.

So apparently this is "normal" behaviour for a child of his age. But that doesn't make it easy to deal with! Not to mention the fact that we didn't even go through stuff like this with Ethan. I feel lost!

The main issues are temper tantrums and screaming/squealing. Tyler can throw a mighty fine tantrum when he feels like it. He's been perfecting his skills in this area since the tender age of, oh, 15 months. The screaming has been going on since he could open his mouth. But put them both together and combine them with being Two & Terrible, and you've got a recipe for FAR OUT!

On Monday he had a tantrum that lasted for more than an hour. Yep, an hour. And you won't believe what started it. We were on our way out the door to visit my parents, and he didn't want to take his slippers off and put his shoes on. Normally I would have just let him wear his slippers, but it was persisting down with rain and shoes were definitely necessary. But oh no, he wasn't going to have a bar of it. So he just lay on the floor by the front door and screamed. And screamed. And screamed.
Ethan & I went to Mum & Dad's without him. Rob kindly agreed to stay home and listen to the screaming. I talked to him on the phone later to see how long he had kept it up. A loooong time. He finally wore himself out and stopped long enough to eat some lunch, and then it was off to bed. Where he screamed and cried for another 20 min. MAN!

I know we did the right thing (this time). We took away something he wanted (to go to Mum & Dad's) and we ignored him until he stopped. But the simple fact is we can't always do that. We can't ignore him at the supermarket or at church. So often I find it easier to give in and let him have whatever it is he is screaming about. I know that is probably fuelling the fire a little bit. But seriously, why should I always take the hard road and then have to deal with the tantrums and the screaming, when I can take the easy road and keep him smiling? Most often the things he is mad about are not worth fighting about. He doesn't want to take his shoes off. He doesn't want to put his shoes on. He wants his toys to sit on the table while he eats. He wants to close the microwave door when I've heated his milk up at bedtime. He wants to carry his own bag. He wants me to carry his bag.
Get the picture? These are not things that are going to harm him. He is not throwing tantrums because he wants to eat lollies for dinner, or he wants to paint on the walls. He just wants some control over the little things in his life.

So tell me, please. Am I doing the wrong thing here? I have always tried to pick my battles when it comes to disciplining the kids. I don't want to be one of those mothers who is constantly saying "No, don't do that", "Stop doing that" and "Leave that alone". Although some days it feels like I say those things all the time!! But generally I try to ignore the little things that don't really matter so that the bigger things can be dealt with more effectively. Life would be a mess if I were to pull Tyler up on all the things he gets frustrated about. Yes, I would prefer it if he were compliant and obedient and let me call all the shots. I would like it if he could just do what he is told without handing me a contract with his terms & agreements on it first.

But he is only 2. And he is trying to figure out his place in the world. I understand that. I really do.
Some days that understanding gets me through the worst. Other days I feel like a terrible mother. Why can't I control my child? Why don't other children have tantrums about silly little things? Why is my kid the only one screaming at the supermarket checkout? Are people staring at me because they feel sorry for me, or because they are chastising me? I know, I know. I shouldn't worry about what other people think. Um, that's just too hard for me. Sorry. I always worry about what other people think. I can't help it.

I've just re-read my post and it sounds like Tyler is a demon child on steroids. He's not. He is sweet and lovely and funny and cute!! He is a source of absolute joy in my life. He makes me smile. I am in awe of him. And I love him, with all my heart. I love him when he is being sweet and I love him when he is being awful. I know that is why I am a good mother. In spite of all my failures and stuff-ups, I know where my heart is. I know I am doing my best, and that is all I can do.