This diet just might work!

Lately I've been on the lookout for a quick, easy way to lose those unwanted kilos. And I may have found it!

The Toddler Diet
Over the years you may have noticed that most 2- and 3-year olds are trim. Perhaps their diet is the reason. This diet is inexpensive and offers great variety and sufficient quantity. ENJOY!!

Day 1:
Breakfast- One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with jam. Eat 2 bites of egg using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jam over your face and clothes.
Lunch- Four crayons (any colour), a handful of potato chips and a glass of milk. Take 3 sips of milk, then spill the rest.
Dinner- A dry stick, 2 coins, 4 sips of flat diet coke.
Bedtime snack- Toast a piece of bread, butter it, and toss it face down on the floor.

Day 2:
Breakfast- Pick up stale toast from the floor and eat it. Drink 1/2 bottle of vanilla essence.
Lunch- Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and one ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack- Lick a lollipop until sticky, take it outside and drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until clean again, then bring inside and drop on living room carpet.
Dinner- A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour water over mashed potatoes, eat with spoon.

Day 3:
Breakfast- 2 pancakes with plenty of maple syrup, eat with fingers, rub fingers in hair to clean. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff excess pancakes into glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's lollipop from carpet, lick off fuzz until sticky again, then leave on cushion of your best chair.
Lunch- Peanut butter and jam sandwich. Spit several well-chewed bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk onto table, then slurp up.
Dinner- Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, 1 sip of cold coffee.

Final Day:
Breakfast- 1/4 tube of toothpaste (any flavour), bite of soap, one olive. Pour glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add 1/2 cup of sugar. Wait until cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog with your spoon.
Lunch- Eat crumbs off the kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that lollipop and finish eating it.
Dinner- A plate of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Handful of mini crackers, eat 2 and place the rest in bowling ball holes or any other convenient hiding place.

-ANON

Thank goodness Ethan is past this stage now! Actually, he was never really that bad. He was (is) fussy, but he generally ate real food, not inanimate objects. We did have raisins inserted into both nostrils, and a few of those lollipops.

But I think Tyler would really thrive on this diet. He's a completely different child to his older brother!